The Hallway of Uncertainty

There comes a time when the voice inside your head just gets too loud to ignore. I believe it is the voice of our purpose and passion and our intuition telling us to follow our heart and to ‘be the change’ we want to see in the world. In my case, the voice was screaming to a point where I truly could not turn it off. It was time to BE The Defining Difference I wanted to see in the world. But how?


When the beautiful purple satin box arrived at my office this last February, I had no idea what was inside. I was astounded to see a stunning crystal award from Mortgage Executive Magazine honoring me as being one of the ‘100 Most Influential Mortgage Executives in America.’ I was shocked. I almost immediately went to the insecure place of not feeling worthy of such an award. Though I had received many awards throughout my mortgage career, there was something profound for me with this one as it said I was an ‘influencer.’


This resonated from every core of my being and after doing my ego-driven ‘happy dance,’ I thought deeply about what it meant to be given a national award as an influencer. I took this as a sign that it was time to fully lean into my passion and purpose and begin to bring my influence to a larger number of people and make a defining difference on the planet. It was time to get serious about The Defining Difference and listen to the deep seated voice in my head.


The fear began to mount as I gave voice to my thoughts about leaving an industry that has been so good to methe fear and panic about not earning an income and having the ability to support my children and get them through college without my guarantee; the voice of insecurity about whether I had the skills to be successful in a new field; the question of whether I am enough to make a difference on the planet. After all, who am I to think I could truly make a difference? The insecurity mounted as I came to speak to my friends and family about leaning into a world that I had dreamt of for many years. In fact, I had created a life plan many years ago that outlined The Defining Difference and the goals and ideals I had set out to achieve. It was time to FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY.


So on this day, as I write this, I am sending the final email to all of my colleagues and teammates whom I love and care about and have led for the last 6 years. I feel scared to make this public and to walk away from all my titles and important roles and significant income to embark on a journey of the unknown. Part of me feels irresponsible. Part of me feels exhilarated. Part of me feels sad. Part of me is confused. Part of me is uncertain. But what I know for sure…is that I must simply put my fear aside for now and lean into a greater purpose.


So today I will share my immediate plan to shift into my dream of helping others create a defining difference in their lives. I will begin to be the bridge for how business HAS been done and how business CAN be done. I will support young women and their journey to become leaders. I will model “manager as leader, coach and mentor,”  drawing out the best in people and supporting them in fully owning their great and glorious contributions to the world. I will use my gift of influence to connect with people in profound and lasting ways, building trusting and meaningful relationships by being trustworthy and reliable in how I show up; honest, forthright, dependable and consistent. The funny thing is I’ve been doing this all my life.


My mission is to foster a heart centered community that generates trust, connection and joy, and I am willing to risk who I have been in order to be in service to and focus on who I am becoming. I am a steward of my resources (time, energy and money). I will now direct my resources toward things that match my vision and let go of distractions that have kept my dream at bay. I am committed to helping others achieve this as well. For we must give voice to the chatter in our heads and lean in to be the person we are meant to be; we must find ways to shift into joy, abundance, stillness, love, gratitude, grace and all the peace we want to see in the world. We must lead by example for others to follow. For we need to leave trails behind for others to find their way.


As I sit in the hallway of uncertainty and embrace the world of ‘not knowing,’  it is an unusual and uncomfortable place to be. But as I shift my paradigm of thinking from certainty to possibility, I am filled with excitement about a new life. Part of me wants to run back to certainty, but the part of me that is expanding understands that I now must develop new practices to ground me in my new path. I must surround myself with people that support this journey, spend more time in mediation to allow for my creativity to expand, and to embrace each moment with the eagerness of a child. Suddenly, every moment has new thoughts of excitement and enthusiasm. Suddenly, my divorce after a 30 year marriage all makes sense. Suddenly, I’m aware that the world has reached up around me to support me and that it is true what they say… ‘when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.’


So I encourage you to embrace your own transitional shifts and lean into your dreams and your desires.  And as my mentor and friend Jack Canfield taught me, through his best selling book The Success Principles,  he helped me to BE CLEAR WHY I’M HERE, DECIDE WHAT I WANT and BELIEVE IT IS POSSIBLE. I am now BEING The Defining Difference I want to see and shape in the world. I am grateful for my gifts and am committed to share the vision of possibility with the world.


To Your Success,


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